Any one suffering from the common eating disorders that are prevalent in our society today can suffer other medical complications. If they have suffered from any of these disorders for any length of time it can lead to heart or kidney problems for them.

Yet although many people believe that a person suffering from these disorders has a problem with food, this simply isn't the case. In fact these are just the symptoms relating to some other area of that person's life. For a great many people is that they lack confidence and feel that they don't have the right body shape or are concerned about what they weigh.

Although in many cases factors relating to a person's life can have an effect on them and cause them to suffer from an eating disorder. Yet in recent years studies have been carried out to discover what else may be causing people to suffer from these. Today research is being carried out to see how brain lesions and hormonal imbalances can be a reason for people suffering from eating disorders such as anorexia or bulimia.

Years ago the treatment for common eating disorders was very basic. In many cases they would try to treat the disorder by getting the person to eat more. However, today they are using many forms of therapy to help treat these disorders by focusing on those areas of a person's life that they are unhappy with. The kinds of therapy now used when it comes to the treatment of common eating disorders include cognitive behavioural therapy, rational emotive therapy and psychoanalytic psychotherapy.




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Most people at some point or another have heard that eating disorders are about control. Control for what you might ask? There are several possibilities; one of which is the person feels she has no control over her environment, but she does have control over what she does or does not put in her mouth. No one can force her to eat, thus she has a perceived sense of control.

Another possibility is the eating disordered behavior can be a way to distract, mask and numb feelings your daughter does not know how to deal with. When she numbs her emotions through not eating or other means, she may be trying to regain control of her emotional state.

Let's consider going with the resistance if you will, and cooperate with her desire and legitimate need for control. The reality is you both want control over her eating behavior. You want her to eat; she wants the opposite and is resistant to any attempt you make to get her to eat more. So, how can you as her parent give her a healthy sense of control?

When you feel the resistance and the power struggle beginning, try to think about what in her behavior would be considered a good quality. Here are a few ideas about what that could look like; and for now just know it is important to use the word "respect" and we can talk about that further in a future article.

1. I respect your commitment to eat healthier and you will be able to make more choices about food when you are eating enough to take care of your body.
2. I respect your determination to look thin and I look forward to the time when you will focus that determination on hearing your own voice instead of the Eating Disorder (ED).
3. I respect your single-mindedness and I look forward to the day when you apply that focus to getting well.
4. I respect your desire for privacy and you will have more privacy when I can be sure you are not purging.
5. I respect your desire to eat with your friends and you will be able to do that more when I know you are eating enough to take care of your body.

I think you can see from these examples the positive qualities we are highlighting. Also how we have used those positive attributes to point her in the direction of using the control she truly does have.

It will take time, practice and your own determination to learn to relate to your daughter in this new way, and you will see a big difference in her responses as you move toward more respect and give her a healthy sense of control.




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One of the main reasons parents miss the signs of a developing eating disorder is because it usually happens gradually; and whether it takes several months or a year, it does not happen overnight. When girls as early as eight years old are wanting to diet and dieting is now the norm instead of the exception, a girl losing some weight does not necessarily mandate hitting the panic button.

Often an eating disorder does happen just because of a diet gone bad, and to look for more insidious reasons is unwarranted and unfair. Many girls want to lose weight and eating less is a typical means of dieting. It is not uncommon to hear your daughter say she wants to be a vegetarian and that, in and of itself, is not a negative thing. The true motive behind this change is of course the concern and it is not always evident at first.

Adolescence is a prime time to begin keeping secrets from parents and you are not usually the first person to whom your daughter reveals her deepest thoughts and emotions. It is her friends that she shares these with and they may even be in partnership with her to lose weight.

Girls become masters at finding ways to hide the changes occurring, both in their behavior and their bodies. They secretly throw away food, move food around on the plate so it appears they ate more than they actually did, say they are going to eat with friends when they have no intention of following through, hide their changing shapes in larger size clothes, and much more.

Another issue is often these girls have been the model child and most parents are stunned to learn that there is a problem of any kind. They have gotten good grades, thrived socially and in extra-curricular activities and rarely rebelled in their relationship with you. It seems like one day you wake up in the morning and some event occurs where this information about your daughter's behavior is revealed.

For example, a friend of your daughter or her mother asks to speak with you without your daughter present, a sibling tells the secret they have been keeping about her sister throwing away food or throwing up after meals, you see something in a text message, social networking site or e-mail and are shocked to find out what has been going on without your knowledge.

I want you to hear me say this again. Your daughter has become a master at hiding this from you and is leading two lives so to speak; the one she wants you to see and the one she doesn't. You are not a bad parent. Were there signs you missed that you could have seen? Possibly. Were there things your daughter just plain did not want you to see? Yes, most definitely. She wanted to lose weight and didn't want anyone to stop her.

So what is the answer to this guilt ridden line of thinking and questioning? It is simple, yet not easy to do. As much as you can, don't allow your mind to go there. The more time you spend there, the less available you will be to see what is happening now and to be available to your daughter now.

She needs you to be in the present with her as much as you can. She needs you desperately to help her through this illness, whether she knows it or not. So give yourself a very limited time to think about what a failure you are as a parent, because let's face it, those thoughts and feelings will come. You are human, not super mom or super dad, and the questions will be there.

Observe them, admit them to yourself, talk to someone you trust about them and then as quickly as possible, move on and focus on helping your daughter. She cannot get better without you.



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